From Misery To Mission

My Journey Through Perimenopause

If I were your healthcare queen for a day, I would grant every woman on her 35th birthday a midlife mentor.  As one who had traveled the path ahead of you, she would help navigate and support your upcoming journey through life’s second half. This loving partnership would bring ease and vitality to you for decades to come.

Sadly, most of us are left to figure out this next season of life on our own. Even if you have a great clinician or detailed knowledge of your mother’s experience into menopause, there is a very good chance your journey will be like mine: a frustrating lonely search for a new normal post your reproductive years.

My misery started when I was 49. 

It took me weeks to get an appointment with a well-known local OB/GYN. I was confident as an older woman herself, she would understand and guide me through symptoms that I was aware were likely due to my age. As the appointment began, her harried, business-like approach was a bit less than I had hoped for, but chalked the lack of warmth up to her experience and efficiency.

I don’t quite remember the order of events that transpired next during our brief time together. Sitting on an exam table with nothing but a paper sheet across your lap can do to your clarity of thought.  But I do remember, as I handed her the results of some hormone testing I had done – my first attempt at discovering what was going on in my body – her conveyed audacity and whitecoat-cloaked dismissal of that piece of paper. It was quite clear I had unintentionally stepped out of my passive patient role and swerved into her healthcare expert lane. 

I also remember she did not actually examine me. Somehow I did not allow our introductory conversation to move beyond talking.  This still boggles my mind as I don’t have a history of defiance to anyone in authority. 

She wanted an immediate ultrasound. Guessing I looked a bit bewildered and taken aback , I vividly remember her next, exact words as she emphatically assured me she knew best, “I cannot let you leave here before we know if this is cancer.”

Wait!  What?!?  Now not only did I feel wrong, I felt afraid!

One heavy period, a month of spotting, and weight gain were the only symptoms.  There was no talk of my medical history, no expert educated theories or reassurances about this phase of life. An immediate worst-case-scenario followed by a half-hearted recommendation to another local doc who might be able to help me “find what I was looking for”. 

Safely back in my car, I burst into tears.  Feeling lost and alone I didn’t know where to go next for answers and support, yet I knew it wouldn’t be responsible to ignore my symptoms.  Eventually I found another doctor who seemed more willing to listen to my concerns and was at least somewhat more supportive.  

Let me back up.

Five years before this, I lost 50 pounds doing all the  “right things.” But more than that, I successfully kept the weight off for a solid four years – which made the slow creep up on the scale so much more frustrating. My weight-loss formula – eat less, exercise more – had worked once. Why wasn’t it working now?

After struggling for nearly a year, the discovery of fibroids and an ovarian cyst, I opted for a partial hysterectomy. This had to be why I was gaining weight. Eight months later at my post-surgery follow up appointment, I was given a clean bill of health. But one aggravating symptom remained: weight gain. Removing the nearly full-term-baby-sized cyst and softball-like fibroids did not take care of the weight gain. My strict food tracking and six-days-a-week exercise routine left me even further from my weight goal.

Once again on an exam table feeling about as vulnerable as a woman can be, I mustered the courage to admit “I’m still having trouble losing weight.” The doctor I trusted enough to cut me open eight months earlier said something I will never forget:

“What are we talking about? 10–15 pounds? I’ve got just the thing.” As he began writing, I sheepishly reminded him that I didn’t want to try hormone replacement since I wasn’t having any other menopausal symptoms. He ripped a small piece of paper from the pad, rolled over on his stool and handed me a prescription. He then stood up and walked towards the exam room door.

“Oh, it’s not for hormones. It’s an appetite suppressant. Stop at the front desk on your way out and the girls will give you a sample.” As he walked out the door he turned and continued “so far, no one I’ve prescribed this to has had any side effects.” Again, that was that.

Wait! What? Could it be as easy as taking a pill? For whatever reason, I didn’t pick up those samples. A quick online search showed that the prescription had two main ingredients: An antidepressant and a drug used to treat opioid addiction.  

How many others had been given the same prescription? What were the long-term costs to my overall health? Did anyone care? I wanted to take the weight off again, but not if it meant risking my overall health or being on a pill for the rest of my life.

My life’s mission started that day.

I am determined to share my story so that other women who are going through this important life transition can learn from my experience. You do not need to feel miserable, afraid or alone. 

Sadly, even with a background in biology there was SO much I wish I had known headed into this journey.

To fuel my mission, I am now a Functional Medicine and National Board Certified Health and Wellness Coach and created Making Midlife Marvelous, LLC. I now better understand perimenopause and menopause and how diet and lifestyle adjustments can greatly influence health through these transitional years. Yes, I wanted to lose weight, but, more importantly, I better understand how to age well.  

Now at 57, the lifestyle changes I have made are more important than ever. As my body changes with age, my diet and exercise regimens evolve too. These are the tools I want to share with you.

Reach out if you need support if you’d like to hear more about what I wish I had known about perimenopause and what you can do TODAY to mitigate symptoms and come through the transition healthier and more vibrant making your midlife marvelous for yourself and the generations to come. Rhonda@makingmidlifemarvelous.com